Saturday, January 2, 2010

Slow Walkers

Have you ever been in a rush, but you have to take the subway? Then when you get off the subway and get to the stairs, you get stuck behind the slowest group of people on the planet? Ya, me too. How do these people always get in front of me? They move so slowly, it must have taken AT LEAST an hour to get to the stairs! And yet they are always there, just waiting to make you late! They must have gotten off the train, then rushed to the staircase as fast as humanly possible. Then by the time they make it to the stairs they have used up nearly every scrap of energy in their body, causing them to move at an incredibly slow speed. And they never fail to show up! Never once will you ride on any type of public transit without being stopped by one of these people.

They don't just stop at public transit, oh no, that would be much to simple for these people. No, if you are in a rush then they will show up! If you make a quick stop at Wal-Mart because you forgot to get your brother an engagement gift, there they are taking up the entire aisle. If you are late getting out of the house on your way to a big meeting with corporate, there they are in the lobby. There is no escape!

Luckily, there are a few ways to avoid being stuck behind a slow walker. If you see a large crowd of people but don't see anything there to distract them, STEER CLEAR. There is likely a slow walker keeping them all back, and no one has decided to just go around them. If someone near you starts to slow down, get away! Either that person is a slow walker, or they have just been stopped by a slow walker. And finally, if someone you know is a slow walker, never, EVER, walk somewhere with them. It will be the most horrible, annoying experience of your life.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Deodorant Commercials

Ok, here is another thing that annoys me. What's with all these deodorant commercials showing guys wearing their deodorant, and then a bunch of girls appearing out of who know's where and jumping on them? It's very misleading! I've got news to all you guys out there who feel like trying this, IT WON'T WORK. Put on as much of the crap as you want, you walk outside and there won't be a single girl who jumps on you. You know why? Because nobody can smell deodorant! And I have proof that no one can smell it. Have you ever walked down the street and smelled an extremely provocative male? No you have not! Deodorant is made to cover up scent, not make a stronger scent. And axe commercials are the worst. Hell, axe even had the balls to make a commercial about a man who had women come into his bathroom simply to bathe him with axe shower soap!

Oh, axe commercials will someday cause an uproar of stinking, overweight males who are trying to force beautiful girls upon their smelly mass because they sprayed a little bit of axe on their pits. Its just not right to swell egos that really should'nt be swelled. And these commercials are only getting worse. Any day now, old spice will come out with a commercial that claims to cause six packs to suddenly appear on mens' abdomens.

Another problem with these commercials is that nobody ever says a single word in them! How am I supposed to figure out what you're selling if you don't make a noise except for a moan?! But no, instead we are left sitting on a couch, wondering what the hell that man is doing in the shower with those sexy chicks, until we realized it's another damn deodorant commercial!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Let Me Introduce Myself

Let me introduce myself to you. As far as you are concerned, my name is A. As I've come through this thing we call life, I have found quite a few things that just get on my nerves and annoy the hell out of me. Like donut holes! Who thought of that? If I pay you to make me a delicious, really thick pancake covered in cream, taking out the center won't make me feel better about the fat intake! Its insulting really. Its like Krispy Kremes is a double faced fiend, selling me a ball of dough for breakfast but then telling me to lose weight by taking a the center. Plus, the center could have been cream filled if it wasn't missing!

I'm tired of these stupid little quirks of society pushing me around and slowly raping my mind, so I've decided to push back. My blog may not be daily, or weekly, or on any time basis whatsoever, but damnit, its gonna fight back! So look back whenever you feel annoyed by a little quirk in order to let your inner rage out, and possibly have a good laugh. And feel free to email me of any annoyances you would like me to blog about, I would be glad to help a fellow pissed off citizen stop the mental beatdown they've been given. So without further ado, let the fight begin.